Ten Reasons Why the Meth Church is Growing Faster than Your Church

31 Jul

#1 They sing, “Lord I Lift You Name and Get High.”

#2 Greeters laugh and giggle uncontrollably.

#3 When the offering plate is passed, people are encouraged to take money.

#4 Everyone shouts “Amen” when the pastor preaches on stoning.

#5 The only committee in the church is the munchies committee.

#6 The typical titles “brother” and “sister” are replaced with “dude.”

#7 Smoking is allowed in the building.

#8 Nobody cares if the music is too loud or if the building is too hot…nobody really cares about much of anything.

#9 An active prison ministry…really active.

#10 The choir sings songs from Pink Floyd.

I hope you read this with the humor in which it was written. This is not a slam on Methodists and it is certainly not intended to make light of drug addiction. Nevertheless, feel free to cast stones my directions if you are so inclined…because everybody must get stoned.

Well, they’ll stone ya when you’re trying to be so good,
They’ll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
They’ll stone ya when you’re tryin’ to go home.
Then they’ll stone ya when you’re there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Bob Dylan
“Rainy Day Women #12 & 35”


Posted by on July 31, 2007 in Ministry



3 responses to “Ten Reasons Why the Meth Church is Growing Faster than Your Church

  1. Sid

    August 4, 2007 at 1:39 am

    So this is what you do now that you are graduated. The time we have on our hands is put to good use isn’t it.
    Sid Gauby

  2. Derek Vreeland

    August 4, 2007 at 7:53 am

    Dr. Sid — Thanks for posting a comment…and yes, there is a lot more free time post graduation.

    I hope your post-graduation summer has been fruitful and fun!


  3. Aaron

    March 17, 2012 at 12:13 am

    Unfortunately, there is some truth to your post. The Deceiver has done a good job making folks believe that meth does more for them than Love; that shame is a way of life rather than Peace.


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